Caution, you are about to enter the "No Divisive Zone"

Just because I am a Reformed Chick doesn't mean I go to a reformed church (reformed as in holding to the doctrines of grace or historic reformed theology) . For reasons too long to include in this post, I have stayed where I am because I know the Lord has called me to minister there for a time.

Well, now that I have begun teaching (exercising my God-given gift) in my church and coordinating bible studies I am having doctrinal difficulties. My church isn't against Calvinism per se, they actually "allow" both Arminian AND Calvinism doctrine to co-exist because they consider it a "non- essential" to salvation. I totally disagree, because it does matter. (I see a future post coming on this topic!).

The thinking goes along these lines: In terms of election, it really does not matter if you think you choose Christ or if He chooses you, because in the end you are saved so why quibble over who does what in salvation? It really isn't something you "go to the wall about" (to quote a friend). Let me explain further.

The other night I met with a friend, she and I will be co-leading a new ladies evening bible study. We were going over the structure and scope of the study (we are studying Women of the Old Testament). First off, I never was happy with her choice of topic, I wanted to teach a book of the bible, not a topical "woman" study-so there is my first problem-but God in His providence directed me to a good reformed source that will add meat to the study.

Anyway, during our preparation we somehow got onto the topic of election. In my naivete, I just *assumed* she and I were on the same page, doctrinally speaking, but that was not the case. When I challenged, in a loving way, her thinking regarding who chooses who, it got very awkward. I just asked her where it says in scripture that we choose God? She could not give me anything besides John 3:16 (which isn't about salvation at all) and when I mentioned other scriptures from Romans 3, Ephesians 1, Col 1, John 6 etc (just to name a few), she just didn't want to go there.

That's when she said it..."I just want to caution you, that you might want to be careful saying "these things" to women who come to the study. You don't want to upset them".

I was confused, I asked did I say anything that was upsetting or untrue? I have to say, I was upset that I was the one who needed to keep quiet but it was perfectly okay for her to be able to let women believe an error. She even admitted to me that she didn't have a desire to know for herself if what she believed was true, she just trusts those who are more "scholarly" than herself. And for that matter, since many have different interpretations, we can't be sure.

I guess my questions are these:
Do we remain silent and not make doctrinal waves because they are uncomfortable or might cause division?

Why are women so afraid to think deep thoughts about God and dig into scripture for themselves?

Are we just to study "woman's issues" that are mainly focused on the cast of characters and the family dynamics and allow the main character of scripture-Jesus Christ-to become obscure?

What are we to be learning during a bible study? Are we just to learn how to be a better wife, mother, daughter etc. or are we to grow in our knowledge and love of Jesus Christ?

I'm afraid this has turned into a rant. But I needed to get this off my chest.
Please pray for me. Needless to say, when I left my friend there was tension and we are supposed to teach together tomorrow night. I need wisdom to know how to proceed.
Thanks for listening.