Something about me

Ok, this isn't the official about me but I thought that there was something that you guys should be aware of before you judge me too harshly.

I came to the game a little late, I didn't grow up in Sunday School and youth groups. We went to church occasionally and I went to Vacation Bible School once or twice. I was around the things of God but my heart was far from Him and then I had my daughter at 31 and He called to me and let me know that He gave her to me and that I had a responsibility to raise her right, to go back to church. And so I did and a few years later I became a Christian.

But what was I like before that time? I was a typical pagan. I drank and occasionally smoked and I swore. Yes, swore, a lot and I didn't care. I was an adult woman and I could say whatever I wanted and do whatever I wanted, thank you very much. And then I got married and settled down. I still drank (occasionally) and I stopped smoking altogether but I still swore.

Then after Sarah I stopped drinking altogether but I still swore (because she was a baby and didn't know). After I became a Christian, I stopped swearing altogether. It was amazing, I didn't even think in swear words anymore. While the girls were growing up they didn't hear me say any swear words at all. Years later, swear words would pop into my head when I was under extreme distress and I would struggle not to say them. It got to be harder and harder until I finally broke down and swore.

And now, I struggle. I don't swear, the worst I say is "crap" but I struggle. And here on this blog, you will get to see me struggle because I'm not always going to hide it. I'm going to say things that maybe you don't think a Christian woman should say and I'm going to let my kids watch things you don't think I should let them watch and you know what? You aren't going to always think I'm a Christian but I am. I'm your sister in Christ. So, there it is. That's me, I'm not the best person in the world; I struggle.

And believe me, if you lived in NJ, you would swear too!

Updated to add: I changed this because I didn't want people to think I felt like I was being judged by your comments, I wasn't. I just want people who read my blog to be aware of my history before they read the previous post and assume that I should have a higher level of maturity, especially since I go to seminary. Mature? Um, no!